


I Need To Be More Than Friends

by ZexenKnight



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Cynicism, F/M, Heartbreak, Playing human, before Tall Tales
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 09:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13656276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZexenKnight/pseuds/ZexenKnight
Summary: The setting is before Tall Tales, but after Gabriel masqueraded as Loki. Gabriel tries to turn away from his Trickster past and be human. He doesn’t realize that being human means dealing with heartbreak.Warnings: Language, angst, bit of violence toward the end, the first time I’ve been brave enough to post a story.





	I Need To Be More Than Friends

“I’m in love with you.”

The confession left his lips before he realized what was happening. It was as if someone or something had taken over his voice and was now speaking for him. He wasn’t thinking rationally enough to truly understand the implications of what he had just confessed to you.

You stood with wide eyes, not reacting one way or another.

“And I’m really sorry if it’s weird for you to hear, but I need you to know,” Gabriel added, the words tumbling and escaping from his mouth without thought. “You have to know. You have to know how in love with you I am. I can’t do this anymore,” Gabriel confessed, his hands thrust deep in his pockets. His normally confident shoulders sagged and the arrogant way he carried himself was nowhere to be seen, masked by this Gabriel that seemed despondent in your presence. “I can’t pretend that I don’t love you and I need you to know-“

“What are you doing?” you interrupted him, one side of your mouth curling upwards as your brow creased with irritation. Gabriel knew that you always looked this way when you saw or heard something dimwitted. Your expressions constantly gave away what you were thinking, whether it be surprise or amusement or annoyance. He never needed to intrude into your thoughts because you projected them on your face. But never once in his existence had he anticipated that he would be on the receiving end of such a loathsome stare. “What am I supposed to say to that?”

Of all the things he expected you to say, the two questions you asked had not come to his mind. Gabriel had expected you to turn him down, to slap him, to yell at him… and yet… there was a minute sliver, a tiny glimmer of hope somewhere deep within the back of his being that he thought you might reciprocate his love. But the two questions you had asked had his brain fumbling for words and all Gabriel could do was repeat himself.

“I just wanted you to know,” came his quiet response. “For once. I needed you to know how I actually feel about you. How I _really_ feel about you.” Gabriel’s eyes began to burn and with silent panic racing through his system, he realized that he was going to cry. It had been so long since Gabriel had cried about anything or even cared about something enough to become so distraught that he would shed tears. It was terrifying and he found his resolve and composure slowly slipping away as you stared him down, as if daring Gabriel to continue speaking.

Your expression turned to one of sadness and slight surprise. You were wringing your hands in front of your stomach, gently touching the engagement ring that adorned your left hand. “I… I… I’m getting married. I… I can’t…” You held his gaze as you spoke and Gabriel’s chest contracted swiftly in ache as he stared into your eyes.

“I know,” Gabriel admitted. “I know…” His words caught in his throat as it tightened in anguish. He wished he hadn’t spoke, but you needed to know.

You needed to know that it wasn’t always like this. It wasn’t a rom com. It wasn’t love at first sight or any other stupid cliché Hollywood had dreamed up. You met in a wholly unimpressive way, as coworkers in a shop repairing small airplane parts. As you shared work space, he found he was amused by your demeanor, your wit, and your snark. You told jokes like a seasoned comedian and constantly gave him a run for his money in conversation. Gabriel started to enjoy pretending to be human. He was okay with pretending, suffering through tedious nine-to-fives as long as you were working with him. For so long, you were friends and that was perfectly okay with Gabriel. 

Until the evening the two of you spent at a performance of _Spamalot_. Your fiancé didn’t particularly care for the humor of the Monty Python troupe and you had never asked the man to share in those moments with you. But you had asked Gabriel. How many countless hours had the two of you spent lounging in your apartment with Flying Circus plastered across your television? 

_The Upper Class Twit of the Year._ Gabriel knew that was your favorite sketch.

Gabriel had liked spending time with you and he knew you liked spending time with him. The two of you laughed a lot. It was the first time in centuries that he had felt wholly happy. Not the temporary happiness that a good prank brought him or that blissful moment when he opened a Milky Way. This happiness was powerful and permanent.

Everything changed when your fiancé refused to take you to see _Spamalot._ He wasn’t interested and he had told you that he didn’t want to waste three hours in a theatre. Gabriel entertained thoughts of resuming his trickster pranks just to punish your fiancé. How dare he tell you that spending any amount of time with you was a waste of time? Gabriel brainstormed many ways to teach the man a lesson, but a sliver of common sense, icy cold, had spread through Gabriel because he knew the revelation of who he was would be enough to lose you forever.

In a twist of fate that made Gabriel think he had actually done something subconsciously, your fiancé asked Gabriel to take you to see the play. Dumbfounded, of course Gabriel had agreed.

_“Of course, sure, no problem,” Gabriel said. “I don’t mind going with her.”_

_“Phew, thanks man,” your fiancé said. “I’m glad she’s got you as a friend cause she can take you to all this crap and I don’t have to go or listen to her whine about not getting to go because I didn’t want to. And then you guys can talk about it and I don’t have to pretend I’m interested in what she’s saying.”_

Asshole. 

Still, your fiancé refusing to go meant that Gabriel got to spend three hours, sitting in close proximity with you. And it was within the span of those three hours, huddled close together in the theatre, that Gabriel finally realized that he loved you. 

You wore a yellow and brown dress, the patterns reminding him of the mosaics on the walls of Pompeii. In its heyday, Pompeii was a beautiful place. Gabriel wished he could show you. Gabriel had opted to don khaki pants and a short sleeve dressy Hawaiian shirt. You had joked with him that you didn’t even know they made Hawaiian shirts that could be considered dressy, but you complimented him on how he had looked that evening. That compliment, Gabriel was convinced, was what woke up the damn butterflies resting in his stomach and allowed them to emerge from their chrysalis and flit around his insides willy-nilly.

By the end of the musical, Gabriel was terrified. It wasn’t just an amazing friendship anymore; it was so much more. 

And yet, it wasn’t. Everything was the same for you. You parted ways that night when he dropped you off at your apartment building, waving as he waited until you were safely inside to pull away. Monday came and you both found yourselves back at work and nothing had changed for you. You were still at your station, your safety gloves on and tinkering with a broken vertical speed indicator. Gabriel walked to his station, tugging on your ponytail as he walked by, just like he always did every morning. You turned and smiled the same beautiful, wonderful smile. Nothing was different for you.

Everything was different for Gabriel. Things would never be the same for him.

And now that he had confessed what he was feeling to you? It was impossible to return to that time. Even his Father the Lord-Almighty-Who-Always-Went-Missing-When-The-Shit-Hit-The-Fan could never fix this problem (not like Gabriel’s father cared enough to help anyone anyway.)

“Gabriel,” your voice tore him away from his own mind and he looked down at you. For a moment, Gabriel thought he saw the formation of tears within your eyes. But then you spoke, “You’re my best friend. And you mean so much to me and you being my friend-“

“Please don’t,” Gabriel begged. “That’s just- it’s not enough. I want to be more than just friends. I need to be more than just friends,” Gabriel pleaded. And then Gabriel felt something that he hadn’t in a long time: a tear quickly moved down his cheek and hung precariously at the underside of his chin. Another one followed soon after from his other eye and Gabriel found it was no longer possible to stop himself from allowing the tears to escape. He had forgotten what it felt like to cry and now he wished he had never remembered because it was so agonizingly painful. “I can’t pretend I don’t love you. I just can’t anymore.”

You had your hands clenched around your car keys so tight Gabriel knew it was going to make an impression in your palm that would take a while to fade. “If I didn’t have you for a friend, I don’t know what I’d do,” you confessed. “You keep me sane. But I’m sorry if you thought that I had feelings for you beyond friendship.”

And there it was. Gabriel had faced many rejections and failures throughout the span of his long years and none of them, not even the loss of his brothers, could compare to how he felt in that moment. He didn’t think he could ever hurt more than when Lucifer betrayed them, but he was wrong. He was so wrong.

“It’s not your fault,” Gabriel spoke softly, swiping away the tears with his hands, sniffling as his nose decided it was the perfect time to join in the party. “It’s mine. I knew you had a fiancé. I liked being friends. I liked you. You’re the most interesting and amazing person I have ever met and I have met a lot of people. I liked what we had. I just… I didn’t know it was going to happen,” he confessed. “I didn’t know how hard it would be not falling in love with you.”

Gabriel chanced a glance at your face and immediately regretted it. There were tears running down your cheeks now and your eyes were a matching red to his own. You looked forlorn at his words, anguish and regret etched boldly across your features. You definitely wore your emotions palpably on your face tonight, just as he always knew you did. You reached out slowly and took both of his hands in your own, your fingers wrapping gently around Gabriel’s hands.

“Gabriel, I-“

Gabriel didn’t let you finish. He closed the space between you and placed his lips upon your own, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist. He inhaled your scent greedily as he pulled you closer, his lips still on yours as he tasted you: a sweet mix of that strawberry chap stick you wore and the saltiness of your tears. It would seem as if that would be a terrible cocktail to enjoy, but to Gabriel, it was the most amazing thing he had ever tasted and he never wanted it to end.

Gabriel almost retreated from you, but your hands went up around the back of his neck, pulling his head harder against your own. Your lips were now smashed against Gabriel’s and one of your hands grasped the goldenrod curls at the back of Gabriel’s neck. Gabriel’s arms tugged your body flush against his own as you both continued to kiss one another. 

And then it was over. You pulled back away from him, looking up into his eyes with flushed lips and tear stained cheeks. Gabriel returned your gaze with fire in his eyes and dipped his head to kiss you again.

“Gabe,” you spoke, halting his descent towards your lips. 

Gabriel stopped, waiting for you to speak. But you didn’t say anything. You didn’t need to say anything. It was written all over your face, just like every other emotion you experienced. The pain contracted in Gabriel’s chest again and, if he didn’t know better, he would swear that his vessel was now going to die of heart break with the archangel close behind. 

“You’re really going to marry him?” Gabriel had to ask.

You nodded. 

Gabriel nodded in return. He took a few slow steps back, your hands sliding across his palms as Gabriel did everything he could to drag out the feel of your skin against his. Gabriel turned and left your apartment quietly, closing the door gently behind him.

Those damn butterflies in his stomach had died a torturous death and were now rotting in the pit of his stomach like scalding stones.

Monday came and Gabriel was gone. He didn’t show up to work and left no explanation for his absence. He was just gone without any evidence that he had existed in the first place. His phone number didn’t work and his apartment was empty. Gabriel had left.

Weeks later found Gabriel drinking in a smoke-filled bar near the campus of some college. The bar was crowded and noisy, but to Gabriel, everything was silent. He didn’t care how many drunk college guys bumped into him to get the bartenders attention for a drink. He didn’t care the girl on the stool next to him was giggling like a deranged squirrel as she caressed the thigh of the man beside her, a wedding ring evident on his finger, but not hers. Gabriel just didn’t care. 

Cynicism and loathing seized Gabriel that night. The world was a terrible, horrible place full of unrequited love, heart break, liars, and unworthy people who got what they wanted but didn’t deserve. And Gabriel despised all of it. He hated the sleazy blonde next to him. He hated the man. He hated all the idiots in the bar with him. He hated the bartender. He hated this college campus. He hated your fiancé. He hated you. He hated everyone on this Father-Forsaken fucking planet. 

If Gabriel was going to have to endure this shitty excuse for a world, he wasn’t going to do it alone. It had been a long time since Loki had hung up his hat and ceased tormenting people, but enough time had passed that Gabriel concluded: it was time to put on that guise again. 

With a malicious smirk, Gabriel snapped his fingers beneath the bar. 

As Gabriel turned to enjoy what was about to come, the married man let out a gasp of terror. “Honey, what are you doing here?” A woman had approached the man and the flirtatious giggling girl next to Gabriel.

“Who are you?” the girl demanded.

“I’m his wife!”

The girl turned pale.

“You bastard!” his wife screamed as she slapped him hard enough to knock him off his bar stool. She began kicking him as hard as she could, slamming her shoes down on his chest and into his face. Blood started to well on the floor around him as she continued her assault. She kept screaming as two of the bartenders grabbed her roughly and began to drag her from the bar and out the door. 

Gabriel turned back around to the bar, still in his seat, grinning gleefully from ear to ear.

The Trickster was back.


End file.
